Posts Tagged ‘Self Improvement’
Are you a chronic worrier?
If much of your time is spent worrying about possible outcomes of situations, you are draining your energy that could be better spent on productivity. There are times when you should worry. But not doing anything about what is worrying you is counter-productive.
One thing you must realize is that the majority of people who are chronic worriers have a feeling of being out of control in certain situations. Learning to take back the control whenever possible, or developing plans of action can make you feel more in control and eleviate your need to worry.
If you are a naturally fearful person, this may be a difficult habit to change. That does not mean it is not impossible.
Here are some tips for dealing with your concerns to get them out of the way so they do not take over your daily life.
- Analyze what is causing your worries. Most of the things you fret about every day are problems. So take a look at the problem and come up with some concrete solutions. Set aside an hour per day to worry your way through the problem. Non-productive worrying is just that….non-productive.So write down the problem to put a name to it. Then write a list of actions you can take to eliminate it. If you cannot come up with any solutions, then it most likely is something out of your control and therefore not something you should focus your attention on. Instead, focus on a plan to counteract the problem.
- Do not fall into the habit of worrying about “What if…” Deal with a situation when it happens instead of worrying about an event that may not happen. The What if’s in life can needlessly sap your energy. If you are a speculative worrier, then set a time aside to deal with the What if’s and create a plan of action to deal with your most concerning fears. Having a plan of action already in place will take the fear out of the What if’s.
Setting a specific time every day to worry will allow you to indulge in your habit but it will also give you the freedom of having time to spend not worrying. That worry free time will be far more creative and productive without that cloud of fear continually hanging over your head. You will feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders and will regain control over your life.
Think that you’re a success? You may need to think again – or, more to the point, you may need to stop thinking altogether and start doing – that’s how to become a real success. Real success does not involve hard work, it does not involve compromising one’s work life balance and it does not involve wanting for anything. The problem is that people deem themselves to be successful based on the norms of society – and the word “norm” simply means that enough lunatics got together and agreed that this is the way things should be. Don’t forget, psychological research stretching back over seventy years proves that normal people’s minds control them, not the other way around – these are the lunatics that I’m referring to – and there’s a 96% chance that you’re one of them!
The fact is that, over the last fourteen years, the vast majority of the clients with whom I have worked were already successful before we ever met. But they were “normal successful”, judging themselves against such pathetic norms that they almost had closed their minds to the possibility that there is a level of abnormal success out there that anyone can attain – and it’s different from normal so-called success. Normal success is comparative and competitive – we judge our success against others’ achievements, material goods and lifestyles. We compare this year’s sales and profit to last year’s – when, if we just opened our minds a little, we would see the absurdity of planning next year on what we manage to achieve this year. Yes, business planning is a classic example of the manner in which we shut down our expectations and then reward ourselves for living down to them. After all, what sane person would use the normal levels of business this year as a benchmark against which to visualize next year’s. That’s why long-standing businesses are often overwhelmed by a new entry into the market, one who hasn’t succumbed to the “conventional wisdom” (by the way, there’s no such thing!) of the marketplace. That’s why, for example, the Swiss watch making industry has never recovered from the development of quartz timepieces – for, when offered this new technology in the nineteen seventies, the Swiss response was that they couldn’t take that on board – “a watch isn’t a watch unless it has all the moving pieces” – the rest is history.
When we consider ourselves successful through the normal lens of self-evaluation, we may be fooling ourselves – because we’re comparing ourselves to the crazies – you know, people who work crazy hours, ride roughshod over their fellow human beings, make lunatic decisions, screw up the world economy, clap themselves on the back, pay themselves obscene bonuses and, in the process, lose a little of their soul. But that’s enough about bankers!!! Allow me quote Niall Fitzgerald from an interview in Ireland’s leading newspaper, The Irish Times. Here’s a man who left Ireland in the 1970s and who went on to become Chairman and Chief Executive of Unilever and Chairman of Reuters. Fitzgerald is quoted as saying that the development of his business career, had he stayed in Ireland, would have been restricted unless “I was prepared to compromise my own principles”. That’s the kind of normal success I’m talking about.
But principles come in all shapes and sizes – for example, what comes first, working crazy hours to make more money, or family life? What’s more important, an organization’s bottom line or the people who make the money? The key question was well put two thousand years ago “What doth it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his own soul?” What price “success”?
Let me propose a different perspective on success that suggests that real success simply happens when one is extra-ordinarily good at what one does for a “living”, that they get a great kick out of doing it and, because they’re so good, they get really well remunerated – that they have a wonderful time with the people who are most special to them in their lives – that they also spend lots of time and energy doing the things that really turn them on and that, in the whole process, they enable those whose lives they touch be the better for knowing them. This perspective on success encompasses financial freedom, work life balance, personal effectiveness and ambition and what’s come to be called “giving something back” (of course, in that regard, charity always begins at home). There are many of my clients who don’t subscribe to this perspective – they actually live it and it confirms to them that “you have to work hard to be a success” is a myth – hard work, like beauty, is in the mind of the beholder. For those who are truly successful what normal people see as hard work is a labour of love. The macho myth that you have to walk through people to be a success is also exploded – I’ve been privileged to work with senior management teams who deeply care for each other – to the extent that would put many normal family “caring” relationships to shame. These people grow each other and, in turn, grow themselves. These people don’t take themselves too seriously, have great fun doing what they’re doing and don’t give a damn about what normal people think of them – why should the bother? Why should you?
Which leads my nicely back full circle. Why conform to crazy norms? Why fall into the normal mould of “successful” living? Why jump aboard the normal express train to stress, infidelity and moral stupor? Why even care about what these so-called ordinary people think of you? Because, if you want to be extraordinarily successful, you’re going to have to start being extra – ordinary.
Willie Horton, an Irish ex-accountant and ex-banker, has worked as a success coach to business leaders and sports people since 1996. He moved to the French Alps in 2002, from where his free weekly Self-Help video seminar is sent to thousands of people worldwide. His Online Personal Development Self Help Workshop is used all over the world, clients say it’s life-changing. Info: http://www.gurdy.net
Suffering from burnout can have very serious consequences for your physical and psychological health as well as for your life in general and your relationships with other people. Formally the condition is defined as exhaustion felt physically, mentally and emotionally and caused by prolonged stress. There are a number of things that you can do to get back your normal state and life.
The most important step in order to recover from burnout is for you to take a break from your work and the lifestyle you lead in general. Often sufferers do not realize the gravity of the problem and prefer to go on so that they do not lose their position at work or damage their personal relationships. The reality is that more and more employers recognize this condition and are willing to understand and even help for the recover of their employees. Thus, do not be afraid to detach from your daily life. The rest and relaxation will give your body, mind and soul time to heal.
You can go to a therapy or try to do it on your own, but you definitely have to find the causes of the burnout and the factors that produce stress in your life in particular. This is an essential step towards healing – understanding the roots of the problem will help you to evaluate your life and eliminate them or at least reduce them. The next step is to decide on your new priorities and goals based on the evaluation of your life you have made. This does not sound easy and it is not, but it is essential if you want to recover from burnout effectively.
Along the entire healing process you will need to get as much support as you can possibly get. Do not be hesitant to share your problem with your loved ones – they will surely respond, show understanding and help you out.
We all know that positive thinking can make a huge difference in creating success in your life. Here are 10 very easy ways you can make minor adjustments to your daily life that can have a very positive impact on your outlook on life and how others perceive you.
- Take Good Care of Yourself. It’s much easier to be positive when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.
- Remind Yourself of the Things You Are Grateful For. Stresses and challenges don’t seem quite as bad when you are constantly reminding yourself of the things that are right in your life. Every day take just one minute to make note of your achievements, your strengths and your blessings.
- Look for the Proof Instead of Making Assumptions. Do not waste your time worrying about the “What if’s” in the world. If you cannot validate a fear as fact then put it aside as unfounded and move on.
- Refrain from Using Absolutes. Have you ever told a partner “You’re ALWAYS late!” or thought “I NEVER get considered for a promotion!”? Thinking and speaking in absolutes like ‘always’ and ‘never’ make circumstances seem worse than they are, and programs your brain into believing that certain situations are impossible.
- Detach From Negative Thoughts. Negativity attracts negativity. Non-productive thoughts can be infectious. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from it, recognize it, and set it aside.
- Squash the “ANTs”. In his book “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life,” Dr. Daniel Amen talks about “ANTs” – Automatic Negative Thoughts. These are reactionary negative assumptions, like “Those people are laughing, they must be talking about me,” or “The boss wants to see me? I did something wrong!” Do not imagine the worst. Keep your thoughts positive and you will address all situations in a positive manner.
- Practice Lovin’, Touchin’ & Squeezin’ (Your Friends and Family). You don’t have to be an expert to know the benefits of a good hug. Positive physical contact with friends, loved ones, and even pets, is an instant pick-me-up. One research study on this subject had a waitress touch some of her customers on the arm as she handed them their checks. She received higher tips from these customers than from the ones she didn’t touch!
- Increase Your Social Activities With Your Prospective Peers. Surround yourself with healthy, happy, successful people, and their positive energy will affect you in a positive way! Social activities will prevent you from being lonely, will open doors to new contacts and experiences. Success is a learned behavior, by exposing yourself to successful people you will begin to learn success patterns.
- Get Involved With Charities or Lend a Helping Hand. Volunteer your time, your money, or your resources. The more positive energy you put out into the world, the more you will receive in return. Having a “Pay It Forward” attitude will make you feel good inside which will project into other areas of your life.
- Be a Part of The Solution and Not Part of The Problem. If you find yourself focusing on an obstacle; stop. Take a step back and focus instead on finding a solution. Limiting your mind to problems will prevent you from moving forward to creating successful resolutions.
Negativity is often an unconsious reaction. Training your brain to focus on the positive takes a little bit of conscious effort on your part but the benefits are worth the effort. Work on incorporating one of these tips in your life until they become habit and then move on to the next tip. You will be surprised how quickly your mind responds to positive thinking and the effects it has on those around you.